“Forbidden’s Love, and the time before, Time”

By Monsieur Mills

Once upon a time, during the time before time existed, there ruled a lord and his name was Forbidden. Forbidden's rule stretched for as far as the eye could see, for as deep as the ocean's deep, and as high as the skies could rise. All this and he was still the lord of nothing. Be that as it may, Forbidden was still a very powerful lord. But if this story was told about him alone, it would be somewhat drab. He was a very dark being and willed all things to be so. So, for the sake of this story-and our perceptions of life itself-it is not. Yes! There was another being, one even more powerful than Forbidden himself, ten times-no!-one hundred times more powerful than Forbidden! And that being was his brother Love. Now there are some tales that tale that Forbidden and Love were two characteristic traits of the same being: two sides of the same coin, if you will, but that is not completely true, or at least I don't think so. No one really knows. If you were to ask me, "where did Forbidden and love come from?" I could not answer that either, but, in my defense, I can say that to this day-and every day that the world spins, for as long as every future day becomes presents' now, then, past, passes us by­ -- Forbidden and love will reside in the hearts and minds of all of us. Until the end of Time.

So, what do we know?

We know that, in the beginning of beginnings everything was black, an eternal sea of night. But like all darkness, there was a light that resides within-and that light was Love. Love loved his brother as only Love could. This is why even though he was most powerful, Love allowed Forbidden to rule. For time immeasurable, Love sat at the foot of Forbidden's throne, thinking of new ways to make his brother embrace him. These silent conversations that Love had with himself were what gave birth to thought.

And-with Thought came: Contemplation, Idea, and all things related.

"Thought," Love thought. "I again need you counsel. My brother Forbidden is still without love."

"But you are here," Thought replied. "And I can sense that you are stronger than Forbidden: you are more vast than the eternal sea of night. You are the greatest of the Great­ Beings. You could make him embrace you." Love did not deduce that Thought meant by using force.

"I know," Love said. "But for some reason he will not embrace me. In our first discussion with each other, we came to the conclusion to allow Forbidden to rule. That did not make him embrace me. I even went as far as giving him a piece of you, so that he may think thoughts of love, but it seems he only thinks of darkness: of night. Please, Thought. I need your help."

Thought contemplated.

" ... Well-maybe if Forbidden could better see himself, then he would realize the strength of love, and then he would embrace you," Thought thought.

Love found this idea to be a fantastic one. So he reached deep. Deep-deep-deep within himself and brought forth a tiny piece of his eternal-light. And this-was the birth of, Day. Now Day, being born out of Love's light, was so immensely powerful that in his presence, Night began to retreat; where once Night had covered all things, hiding them in darkness, the light of Day shed Light on a vast emptiness: exposing everything and nothing at all.

The Great-Being, Forbidden, sitting atop his throne of eternal-Night, took notice of this change right away-and with his ability to think, thought of this change as bad. Forbidden appeared immediately before Love.

"Love, what is this... this thing you have created which causes night to retreat?" In response, Love, like a magician using hands that were not really hands at all, formulated Day into a ball then held it before the face which was not really a face at all: the face of Forbidden.

"Its name is Day," Love replied. "And its essence is Eternal-Light. I thought it would

be-"

"You thought?" Forbidden interjected." "Yes, I thought you would like it."

"Well, I don't like it," Forbidden said. "In fact, I. ..I. ..I don't know, but I don't like it. I forbid it. Love, you must remove this... this Light.

"This cannot be," Love told his brother. "It has always been. Even in darkness, Light remains."

"Well. .. Day then? You can remove this Day thing." Forbidden said.

"Yes," Love replied. "But I will not."

Forbidden could not believe his brother's words, and in that instant he experienced something new: Frustration. Forbidden's frustration rose 'till overflowing: it filled his entire being so mu that it seeped outside of him-and this was the birth of Anger. Anger, for Forbidden, was a very welcomed emotion. He embraced it as he could not embrace Love. And in embracing Anger, Forbidden discovered the birth of another emotion: Hate.

"I hate it!" Forbidden screamed, immediately embracing this new emotion. "I hate Day, I hate Light: the light of Day. I hate it. I forbid these things. Love, remove them." Forbidden was angry and full of hatred. "Remove them now!"

To which Love calmly replied, "I will not."

Forbidden, seeing his brother would not budge, became confused. Why would he not obey? I need to think, Forbidden thought; what was his brother's reason for this?

"Thought," Forbidden thought, but he received no reply from thought. Instead, Forbidden was answered by two others: Anger, and Hatred.

"Yes," they responded, their multilayered voice hissing like angry-hateful snakes. Dripping poison, dark and ominous, each word they spoke was elongated, almost as ifto reverberate forever, given there was no word to succeed the previous one. "Love is being insubordinate; he does not acknowledge you rule; he does not believe you are worthy of your throne of, Eternal-Night. He has brought forth this Light to cause all you have to retreat. He wants to take your place-that is why he refuses to obey."

"This is a challenge, then?" Forbidden asked.

"Yes... challenge... challenge... challenge," they cooed so sonorously. "You are forbidden: the ruling lord of all, the commander of the Eternal-Night, you are the stronger of the two Great-Beings, You... you... you...."

And this-the combination of hatred, Anger, and very little thought-was the birth of ego. Fueled by Hate, Anger, and now his Ego, Forbidden went on a very long and lengthy tirade about himself, listing all the things he was and everything he owned. 1 am this, he said, and 1 am that. 1 own this, and 1 Rule that. 1 forbid this, and 1 demand this, and 1-1-1...

Love watched his brother with a calm serenity. He knew forbidden possessed the ability to create-creation was a part of both of them-and he saw his brother's creations (hatred, anger, etc.) for what they were: poison. But Love did not fear his brother's creations. He did not fear anything. He was Love. But still he felt something. Seeing Forbidden in this state-a state much worse than he had ever been in before-almost crushed Love. And this was the birth of Sadness. And with sadness came, Empathy, Sympathy, and all things related to Compassion.

Forbidden finished his long and lengthy tirade. He stood before Love, his chest-that was not really a chest-poked out, his chin-that was not really a chin-held high, and gave birth to Arrogance. Love did not waver. He did not look away with his eyes that were not really eyes at all. He merely stood there and waited to see what his brother would do.

Forbidden, ignorant of Love's true intentions, was still confused. He stared at Love, who stood calmly before him with his ball of Day, and in its light Forbidden could see himself the way love saw him. And for a brief moment, he experienced self-pity. He tasted sadness, and with this sadness came: Hurt and Pain and all things related. But only for a brief moment; Anger, Hatred, and his Ego forced Love's feelings out 'till only the Hurt and Pain remained. Forbidden sought Thought's corrupted counsel once more.

"Thought," Forbidden thought in agony. "We are here" they hissed.

"What shall I do? He refuses to obey. I want not this light of Day. What shall I do?"

"You can strike... strike... strike. . .," they hissed repeatedly. But Forbidden did not understand their meaning. So he let himself go. Forbidden allowed himself to succumb to their will. Greedily: Hate, Anger, Pain, Ego, and Hurt took over. Taking hold of all Forbidden's power, they made him lash out with great force, and in that brief moment of moments, Forbidden struck Day with all he commanded.

And this was the birth of violence. And with Violence came Destruction, and all things related. The blow was so great that it caused Day to shatter. Small pieces of Day scattered across the Eternal-Sea of Night. And this was the birth of the stars. But as hard as Forbidden struck Day, he did not destroy him. Day only decreased in size, and this-was the birth of sun.

VOICE: Alkim Mills?

ALKIM: Yes, ma’am

VOICE: Please take a seat. Simple procedure today, Mr. Mills. You have completed the mandatory minimum required by the State of New York for your conviction of mur...

ALKIM: Mm-mm

VOICE: Well, the Board would like to know why we should let you go.

ALKIM: Go where?

VOICE: Home

ALKIM: Home?

VOICE: Yes, Mr. Mills. Home. You do want to go home, don’t you?

ALKIM: Uhhhhhh

VOICE: Is there a problem, Mr. Mills?

ALKIM: No, ma’am. It’s just...

I got a locker full of food. I’ve got a great job. I can be whoever I want to be in this place, so why leave? What do the streets have to offer me anyway, huh? Freedom? What am I supposed to do when I’m used to people telling me what to do? Survive? Nah, you can keep the streets, I’ve found my place in the world right here.

I’ve completed every mandatory program, I’m a role model for other inmates, and I just met someone that’s willing to endure the abnormal hardships of a prison relationship. She accepts me for me, so why leave? I’m content. I swear it.

Truthfully miss, I can’t see anyone having done as much time as me wanting to leave. I mean think about it: Where else on this planet are you provided dental care, T.B. shots, flu vaccines, three meals a day and clean running water... for free?

And all my surrogate parents ask is that I stay out of trouble. Yeah, this is the good life and I realize that.

I made up my mind a long time ago that I would never leave this place. You guys would know this if you took the time to check on my state of mind, what you now call the “new developments” in my thought process. After all, I was a child when you brought me here. This is my world, my life. This place has provided me with a sense of security and I wouldn’t trade that for ... The World.

Somewhere in a small corner of my mind lies a distant memory of when I prayed to leave this place, when I dreamt of this moment, of that question. It’s pathetic. I’ve grown to realize that some things are beyond our control, and in these cases the best course of action is to simply adapt.

So please Miss, if you are actually giving thought to releasing me - don’t. I have no desire to leave and have done nothing to warrant you abandoning me. I came here before my life started, and I’m now too old to start one.

Have I done something wrong? Or is this some sort of cruel joke? When I cried and cried until the strain gave me headaches you simply ignored me, but now that I’ve found the hidden beauty in this place you want to kick me out? I have nowhere to go. The family that I once knew are strangers to me now: consumed by the unapologetic pre­dispositions of a society that’s ignorant to the hidden beauty of this place, of this world, of my home.

So no, ma’am, I don’t want to go home. But thanks for the hospitality.

Prison is a reality where I'm from. Just as college is an expectation for those of a higher class, prison was an expectation for me. Sure you have people who have made it, but those are the fish that flopped out of the net.

Let me explain. I see mass incarceration like this.

You have the fish - that's people like me. You have the bed, you have the boats, the market place and, of course, the sea.

Now the fishermen jump upon their big metal boats and set out to sea. Once they reach a ripe destination, they drop their nets deep, deep, deep, into the sea, gathering all that they can. Then they push a button and the net slowly rises out of the water. Inside it... You guessed it: fish! The fish flip and flop and bounce to get free, but the net is designed to capture them not free them.

Once the fishermen capture their fill for the day, they take them to the market place where they can make money to fund the next expedition.

The net doesn't discriminate, oh no. So every once in a while it will capture a squid or two, and then it's up to the fisherman's discretion whether or not he wants to throw the squid back into the murky waters or see if anyone in the market place has a taste for calamari.

When I see people like Oprah Winfrey or Maya Angelou, I see a fish who flopped out of the net. Mark Zimmerman is my example of a squid.

Everyone in my family that has the same last name (aside from my little brother) have done time in prison. My mother was just released recently from a federal prison after doing 13 years. And yes, she is a repeat offender. She is fifty years old and working in a warehouse operating forklifts. She's just happy to be free. Or as free as you can be on parole.

I don't judge her. I love her even if she wasn't one of the lucky ones to flop out of the net. And I know she loves me.